Stopping the Cycle

3.10

Continuing the cycle is easier than it should be and very hard to stop. I know it seems like it should be obvious. We know what we went through is wrong. We know how it makes us feel. The pain is all too sharp. But we weren't shown the right way how to be a parent or partner.

I know for me and I think others who want to stop the generational trauma, we pick some of the obvious things not to do to others. The hard part is we are still trying to figure out what all actually happened to us. What effects the abuse had on us, and how we can move forward.

With best intentions, we do our best and that is super important. We can make the choice to be better parents and better partners. It will be a work in progress, but then everyone regardless of their backgrounds should always be trying to be better versions of themselves.

It's also not helpful that our trust has been eroded away so when anyone tells us how we should behave or that we may be overreacting, we don't trust that. We question their intentions and if they too, are manipulating us. It's very hard to know how to discern who really cares for us versus who is pretending to. We may need the guidance we didn't get from our parents, but if don't trust our parents, who can we trust?!

This is where we should all do better. Before we act or speak, we need to ask ourselves how would we feel if this was said or done to us? I am not for soft parenting at all, that is so detrimental. But we also need to guide our children from a loving position on how to be in this world. We can still correct behavior without hitting, calling them names, and berating them.

Your children should know you are always there for them and love them. This stops the cycle. This is what kids need. We have to do better. As for being a good partner, we need to enter relationships with the intent we want to be a great team, not just someone who looks to have their own needs met. Again, we have to do better.